Aardvark Archie's Guide to Rude Humor.
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Funny Quotes Welcome to Aardvark Archie's Guide to FUNNY QUOTES , the site that knows a funny quote when it hears one!
For the best in Adult funny quotes and really humorous quotations and witticism, just click on the links below to get viewing some of the funniest quotations, funny celebrity insults and adult humor around!
FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT DRINKING & DRUGS
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# Funny Quotes
1. "I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
George Best.
2. "The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi."
Denis Leary.
3. "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
Homer Simpson.
4. "I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now."
Bill Hicks.
5. "A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her."
WC Fields
6. "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."
Dean Martin.
7. "What contemptible scroundrel stole the cork from my lunch?"
WC Fields
8. "I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping."
Mark Twain.
9. "What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others."
Diogenes.
10. "I always keep a stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."
WC Fields
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